Principle #1: lead with compassion
Nabi Muhammad ﷺ was incredibly compassionate and merciful both as a parent to his children, and as a mentor to the youth around him. Anas b. Malik reported: “I have never seen anyone more kind to one's family than Allah's Messenger ﷺ” (Sahih Muslim 2316)

Principle #2: Build their strengths
Nabi Muhammad ﷺ recognised and nurtured talent, encouraging the youth to thrive in different areas. Notable examples are:
. Zaid ibn Thabit (RA) - Scribe of the Prophet ﷺ
. Mus’ab ibn Umair (RA) - Ambassador to Yathrib (Madinah)

Principle #3: MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR YOU WISH TO SEE

Upholding the respect and dignity of each child, Nabi Muhammad ﷺ modelled excellent behaviour. His own daughter, Fatimah (RA) was akin to him in her gentle and soft mannerisms. She, and many others around the Messenger ﷺ, beautifully mirrored many of his amazing qualities.

Timeless tarbiyah: key points on nurturing the youth

• children do not listen, they watch
• We tell them to pray but they notice when you pray, and how you pray, and when you don't
• They hear the words - but follow the pattern.
• children do not absorb lectures
• You tell them not to lie but they hear how you bend the truth
• Children do not absorb lectures
• They absorb habits.
• children observe whether you react or respond
• In a crisis, did you panic or pray? Let them see mercy in how you speak when angry, in how you apologise and forgive.
• advice only works when character speaks first

Your home is their first Madrasah, your behaviour is their first Tafseer - They learn Allah through how you represent Him.

How do we balance between rahmah (mercy) towards our children, and the discipline and structure required in a home?

Gentleness and firmness can co-exist. A balanced parenting style harmonises firm, consistent discipline with compassion and mercy. Adolescents’ brains are construction sites, undergoing continuous change, hence parents should practice patience as they learn and adapt. Positive reinforcement helps to make discipline constructive rather than punitive, fostering obedience to Allah Ta’ala. Striking the balance is a lifelong task, aided with the right intention and attitude.

As parents, how do we stop using hitting as a punishment?

Parenting is evolving in the 21st century, requiring parents to learn better methods to be effective and compassionate. Corporal punishment is often ineffective and harmful in today’s context. Recognise that it’s not going to get you very far. Harshness towards children breeds resentment, whereas gentleness builds influence and trust. The Prophetic model sets the benchmark for non-violent, nurturing discipline, in this regard.

How do we keep our children tech-savvy, but not addicted to their devices?

Digital devices are not necessities for young children. In teaching digital literacy, or promoting academic use of devices, parents should conscientise themselves first before their children. Establishing no-screen zones (e.g. mealtimes and in bed) and setting time limits helps reinforce better device use. Family quality time must include screen-free moments to foster real connection and communication, and academic use must not blur into unrestricted personal use.

Darul Ihsan Humanitarian Centre