“Allah Ta'ala appoints for human beings family by blood, and family by marriage. In the beginning, we are children, then we get married and become son-in-law or daughter-in-law, then later on we have sons-in-law/daughters-in-law and other relatives through marriage. All of this is mentioned as a blessing of Allah Ta’ala upon human beings.”
INTRODUCTION
Allah Ta'ala created the relationships of family lineage and that of in-laws as mentioned by Him in the Qur’an (Al-Furqan 25:54).
Hazrat Muhammad r guided human beings towards the way of good relationships between family and in laws, that leads to harmony, mercy and love on both sides.
The Qur'an and Hadith provide important guidance for Muslim families on maintaining strong and harmonious relationships with family and in-laws, and on managing these relationships with wisdom, understanding, balance and moderation.
GIANT LEAP
Becoming in-laws - parents-in-law or children-in-law - is indeed a giant leap in one's life. It brings with it new challenges, but also many blessings and bounties, if managed correctly, on the foundations of core Islamic values of appreciation, tolerance, forgiveness, love, mercy, compassion, etc.
Indeed, marriage is not just a union of the couple alone, but of the entire family structures on both sides. Each one of the spouses now gets related through marriage to a whole new set of parents, siblings and other relatives. The family in turn gets a set of new sons or daughters through marriage. Adapting to these new relationships, and adopting them wholeheartedly, can be overwhelming in the beginning. But as the journey of marriage progresses, it should blossom into something beautiful and pleasing.
GOOD ANALOGY
A good analogy of marriage is like the weaving of different threads into a beautiful tapestry. Similarly, it could be likened to the blossoming of new flowers in the garden of one's life, each with its own unique colours and fragrances, which only enhances the beauty and delight of the garden. This diversity is something to be celebrated and appreciated as it enhances the experience of life.
Whilst these new relationships in life are a great blessing and bounty, they are also quite delicate and fragile, and have to be handled with TLC i.e. tender loving care, else they can easily sour and deteriorate, causing much misery, heartache, anguish, stress and bitterness for all.
WHOLESOME VALUES
Therefore, every effort must be made to protect this relationship by adopting wholesome values and noble mannerism and avoiding negative values and harmful conduct. Hence comparison, competition, controlling, complaining, confronting, criticising, cynicism, contempt, conflict, condemning, cruelty etc. are to be avoided at all costs, as they are the destroyers of healthy family relationships.
On the other hand, sound values and exemplary mannerisms such as acceptance, adaptation, accommodation, appreciation, acknowledgement, affection, Adab (respect), Akhlaq (character), apologising, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, love, balance, etc. lead to strong and binding family relationships.
PERFECT ROLE MODEL
As Muslims, we need not look further, as we have the perfect role model and guide in our Noble Master r who taught us everything about being good human beings and dealing in a good way with fellow human beings. If we follow his noble example and adopt his way of life, success and felicity is guaranteed in both worlds. The further we drift away from his way and teachings, the more distant and remote is the prospect of happiness and success. May Allah Ta’ala grant all couples and their families every goodness in both worlds and may He protect them from every harm and loss in both worlds.
CONCLUSION
When this important chapter of Muslim family life commences, many find difficulty and trouble in managing and negotiating through it. Following the good counsel and valuable advice of Qur’an and Sunnah, will serve to empower and enable all with a better ability to strengthen the extended family structure.
May Allah Ta’ala strengthen both sides of the family structure and grant wisdom and understanding and peace and harmony in Muslim families all over the world.
DUA FOR GOOD RELATIONS
اَللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوْبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلَامِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّوْرِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِيْ أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوْبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيْمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِيْنَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِيْنَ بِهَا قَابِلِيْهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا
“O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; you are the Relenting, the Merciful. Make us grateful for your blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.”
By: Mufti Zubair Bayat
(Ameer Darul Ihsan Humanitarian Centre)
